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Review: Mashin Sentai Kiramager Ep. 1: The Mashin Are Born

So apparently: ‘In celebration of Both the Success of Both the American Power Rangers Franchise and the Japanese Super Sentai Franchise, the real first episode of Machine Sentai Kiramager is finally here’.

Apparently the content ‘is suitable for ages 16 and over’… only if they are on LSD or are mad. This is hard for me to review as I have zero background in any of this sort of thing. It’s like asking a blind-man with his hands tied behind his back to write a review a new bit of architecture. Here goes then…

So a giant tap-headed nasty beastie comes from planet Yodon, capital Yodonheim, and spurts ‘soiled toilet water’ all over some place in Japan (I think). This excrement-liquid turns into an army of brown body suited baddies who wield hoes, rakes, mops and brushes at the poor locals. Luckily, Hakataminami Muryon (children’s TV presenter, I assume by his clothing, and head of CARAT- world peace police army organisation) has CCTV of it all and with Princess Mabusheena decides to unleash the Kiramager. They are all shining examples of their chosen field of excellence: esports, track and field, action films and beauty surgery (!). Good to see humanity is in safe hands, then.

Once they transform, with the aid of their shining jewel, they end up wearing cheap Power Rangers suits and wield plastic swords that were probably bought at a Smyths Toystore. However they need a fifth member to join this crack squad- enter Atsuta, ‘doodle-boy’. The red jewel takes a shine to him (gettit) and he eventually accepts to join them after being praised for his incredible drawings and imagination. These look like the sort of thing most 8 year olds would do, maybe that’s the point.

Princess Mabusheena (who looks like she’s wearing a Björk video costume) likens Atsuta’s imagination to her late, great father. He died when her homeland of Crystalia was decimated by Yodon forces. Can Atsuta’s ‘Kiramentality’ shine brightly enough to save the day? Of course he does. How? By drawing some vehicles for each of the Kiramager, which are straight out of the Tamiya factory, and on the shelves of a toy shop near you. The slurry of sh*t is stopped and the tap-headed monster is defeated (is that precious toilet roll wrapped around his spout?), hurrah!

The Kiramager heroes go back to CARAT HQ and celebrate with a dance off to a new K-Pop hit, available on all major music-steaming sites. I can’t wait for the next episode, who know what major aspect of Earth iconography the Yodon will choose for their next dismal attempt at world domination- a rampaging giant ottoman foot-stool, an angry Eiffel Tower-sized bog-brush or a vicious sponge scourer that will wipe us out? Don’t worry though, we have a guy who can doodle stuff.

Verdict: 5/10. Nippon Ritalin-fuelled Pop-Psych TV!

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Nik once peed in the urinal next to Luc Besson at the BFI when he went to a Fifth Element preview. There was no splash back.

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