For the purpose of this review it has been written like a walk through of a computer game (it made sense to me at the time):
The film opens with “Surrender” by Cheap Trick which isn’t a bad thing as two young kids ride their bikes to the arcade which is open. Cue montage of old games with actors names in the graphics. The skinny dark haired kid (younger Sandler I presume) can see patterns in the games and wins a lot – I wonder if this will come in useful later?
The actor playing a young Peter Dinklage steals the film from everyone on his entrance. Mullettastic!
It is officially 1982 and Dan Aykroyd is dropping us some major plot shizzle that we need to remember.
Younger Dinklage and Sandler play off for the 1982 championship on Donkey Kong and the Younger Dinklage aka Fireblaster takes the title!
We then cut to modern day to a grown up Sandler and Paul Blart. Turns out Blart grew up to be President of the USA, Sandler on the other hand has not reached his potential. Blart tries to pep talk him but it is of no use. I wonder what could help him reach his potential?
Aliens are coming, slight hint with no reveal.
Sandler at work – kid has parents who are getting divorced – plot twist: divorced woman – hot – potential love interest. His bumbling charm is in full effect.
Army: We are under attack! Panic stations – still no reveal!
Cuts back to Sandler chatting with divorced kid about video games – age difference has been emphasised. The audience is now aware that computer games now are a lot different from computer games back in 1982.
Sandler discovers hot divorced mum crying – bumbling charm activated.
Back to army – it is all kicking off! Explosion! Army guy gets “pixelated” I guess, that or beamed up to the spaceship. Still no reveal.
Back to Sandler and his bumbling charm. They both married the wrong people as they never met the right person. Sandler goes in for kiss – bumbling charm in full effect – but to no avail!
Sandler gets a call from his mate the President – “You are needed at the White House.”
Sandler thinks the divorced woman is following him, turns out she works for the President too – how fortuitous!
Tucker Smallwood spotted! Legend!
President Blart shows Sandler footage of the attack. They recognise it from Galaga and further to the point it is the 1982 version. They don’t believe Sandler obviously. He is sent packing!
Sandler then catches up with his other mate Ludlow the conspiracy freak. Ludlow then explains how the stuff Dan Ackroyd told us about earlier (back in 1982) is relevant now and caused the invasion. It turns out the aliens mistook the message as a challenge and now want to fight earth via computer games. Sandler and Ludlow take it to the president. The next attack will be India, but the president is worried he will look stupid…
Cut to India…Indian Spandau ballet, another attack – another pixelisation.
Back to the White House, friction between divorced wife and Sandler – no way they will ever get together.
Col. Divorced Wife explains the science part of what is happening. We see a captured pixel and big hench navy seals.
Next battle : London, England – cue Sean Bean – will he live?
The aliens arrive in Centipede mode! The navy seals don’t understand Centipede, but Sandler and his mate do.
Music: Working for the Weekend by Loverboy
The nerds save the day. Sean Bean lives! Col. Divorced wife starts to see Sandler in a new light.
Dinklage own its!
President Blart to Sandler – “This is what you were meant for!”
Next battle: New York City! – Pac Man!
Dinklage owns it further – I see t-shirts with that quote on!
The Italian Job meets Pacman!
Celebration ball – Sandler might get a date!
Hall & Oates!
The Earth cheated!
Dinklage & revelations!
They pixelated who!
It’s all gone wrong!
Computer games unleashed onto the world! So many games! Paperboy, Frogger, Mario, Tetris loads!
President Blart is now in the game too! Business is about to pick up!
Cool big battle scenes!
To the Mother Ship! I feel the Adam Sandler message is nearly upon us.
Now it’s on like Donkey Kong – with the people who were pixelated in the place of the Princess.
To add to the climax – Queen: “We Will rock You”
“Surrender” by Cheap Trick
The end credits are worth a watch too as they are the whole film is 8bit!
VERDICT: I went in expecting not much at all and actually found myself enjoying it in places. Yes it is predictable, yes it is cheesy, but it is the kind of film a family can watch together and all take different things away from. 6/10