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The Meg (2018)

Anybody that knows me knows that dumb, schlock-filled shark films are a passion of mine. I’ve seen them all, Megashark vs Giant Octopus, Sharknado 1-5, Ghost Shark, Zombie Shark, Sand Sharks, Snow Sharks, if there is a low budget shark film with a mildly intriguing prefix I am there. The more ridiculous the better!

Well what happens when you give these usually shoestring budget films a $150 million budget?

You get The Meg starring Jason Statham as rescue diver Jonas, who is called in by a research crew to fight the previously assumed extinct Megalodon, a giant shark capable of biting through a whale in one bite.

This film is based on the series of books of the same name by Steve Alten and over its opening day earned $45 million, a surprisingly high number considering the negative reviews that it was bombarded with. I had a long list of expectations for The Meg which it needed to meet. The extremely long list is as follows;

1: Real big Shark
2: Jason Statham
3: Jason Statham fighting a real big Shark.

Oh did I say long? I meant incredibly short and stupid.

Unbiasedly and objectively this film was terrible. A generic plot, trash characters, terrible CGI and ridiculous dialogue would have made this film damn near unwatchable were it not for the fact that I was completely enraptured. I cannot really compliment much of this film. Statham sounds like he is holding back when he says things, giving his gravelly voice a clipped quality to it. He sings “just keep swimming” at one point which I was fully on-board with.

One complaint was that the characters were legitimate idiots. After killing the first Megalodon (spoilers there are two because who didn’t see that coming?) One of the characters just leaps into the water and begins frolicking about as if he didn’t just nearly die. He is, of course promptly chomped.

Speaking of unnecessary deaths by my count there are at least 2 sacrifices in this film that are not at all needed. These just serve to try and add some cheap emotional weight to an otherwise pithy flick.

VERDICT: Objectively speaking this film is terrible, but if you are a purveyor of so bad it’s good films you will enjoy this film as I did. The climax of the film sees Statham try and blow up the shark with a torpedo which jams and doesn’t release. He then decides to use the propellers of his submarine to cut the shark down its stomach and then stab it in its eye which causes a feeding frenzy that kills the Meg once and for all. Yes, you read that right. Jason Statham shanks a shark to death in this film. Ultimately if this were a subjective review I would give it a 12/10 for being everything I need in a terrible film but this review is objective and so I can only give The Meg a 5/10 for its nonsensical and ridiculous concept and it’s even worse execution.

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